every now and then i am reminded of the awesome power and majesty of God. for me it is never a specific miracle or huge, mountian moving gesture that does it. no, it is generally an amalgam of small things – a collection of minor occurances that align in just the right way at just the right time. it is more of a romans 8:28 thing:
“And we know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to his purpose” (ESV)
recently i have been going through a great deal of introspection and self-reflection, mainly over life and my role in it – and my relationship with God. the basic idea that i have had to come to is that i need to focus more of myself on God and less on me (oh my gosh – what a cliche). but seriously. in the past, ministry for me was a destination. that is i have all of the skill, knowledge and understanding to be successful in whatever ministry i would choose – but that proved to be less than enough. it is not the ministry itself that is important, but rather the juxtaposition of my heart towards God as opposed to my own selfish desires.
it has been nearly two years since i stepped down from my last officially ministry commission. at the time i was not sure exactly what God was trying to get me to understand about myself or about Him or about whatever. but after tonight i am begininning to see more clearly what the Lord needed to do in me and to receive from me in order to move forward.
me leaving my last commission was not about the church, or the leadership Ii stepped away from, but rather about me not understanding one simple thing. ministry flows from what our lives would be without that ministry – that is ministry should be a reflection of who we already are not what we think others see us as.
more simply put: ministry is not a prize to be won.
right here, right now I just want to find the significance to my life – unravel the mistery of what the heck does God want from me and for my family. god, please use me however you see fit – it is not about me, it is about you. i am, more than ever, humbly your servant.